My mom called me out-of-the-blue yesterday, asking if I was home and if she could come over. She said she had something for me. A few hours went by and my mom showed up at my doorstep - she had a bouquet of flowers in-hand and was holding a very large orange bag. She looked at me and said, "I'm not sure why, but I felt the Lord telling me to come over today and encourage you." Inside the orange bag was a week's supply of meals. I was immediately overwhelmed with gratitude, and I looked at my mom and said, "You have no idea how much I need this... my computer is broken and I'm really discouraged today." She had no idea that any of that was going on.
Sometimes it's the little things that remind me of how real and powerful our God truly is.
One thing led to another, and I ended up in the Apple Store last night to seek help and to run diagnostics on my iMac. Before we even turned it on, the Genius told me that all of the symptoms I had been describing were classic symptoms of a hard drive failure. And sure enough, it was. Just over two years after I had purchased my 27-inch iMac, my hard drive fails. I am so thankful I had AppleCare!
Another thing that I am extremely thankful for is that I keep exhaustive backups, and I have at least two copies of everything outside of my computer. I blogged all about my backup system about a month ago, and I cannot emphasize enough the importance for keeping good backups! This totally blind-sided me and I was able to leave my computer with the Apple Store that night with total confidence that all of my files were safely stored on my external drives at home.
So now here I am - I wake up today and I'm not exactly sure what to do. This past weekend started a streak of shooting 8 weddings in 9 weekends. Coming back from vacation, I was already battling feelings of being overwhelmed and overcommitted. When my hard drive started failing, my initial thought was, "This is the LAST thing I need right now!!" Feeling frustrated, I struggled with anger as I tried to figure out WHY this had to happen in the middle of my wedding season.
Then a thought crossed my mind, saying, "What do you NEED, Rebekah? Are you confusing your needs with your wants?"
Conviction. Immediate conviction. I feel it. It's strong.
I had been seeking all of my fulfillment in my work. I feel good when I edit a wedding in a week or two and don't fall behind before I shoot the next one. I feel fulfilled when my client's tell me they love their images. I feel desired when new couples are interested in hiring me to shoot their wedding.
But where is the Lord in all of this?! Somehow in the midst of my busiest working season ever, I slowly let everything else slip in except for God. I allow things of this world to build me up and remind me of "who I am" instead of seeking all of that in Christ.
It seems as though every time I get busy, the FIRST thing to go is my time with the Lord. I struggle to spend time in the Word daily, to read and study Scripture and to pray. And I don't desire to do those things because I HAVE to for any religious reason, no, I desire to do it because I desire to deepen my relationship with Christ.
The next things to go are any healthy habits I've struggled to impliment in the first place. Working out, cooking and eating well... "I just don't have time..." I say, over and over. Well yeah, if I am finding my fulfillment in my work above finding my fulfillment in Christ, of course I won't have time. MUST. KEEP. WORKING. It's this vicious cycle.
So what does this have to do with my hard drive failing? Everything. Here I am, with two weddings to edit and I'm shooting one nearly every weekend for the next two months, and I'm falling behind. My hard drive failing and my computer needing repair is completely out of my control. I can choose to become stressed and overwhelmed, and usually I would, but that conviction, that tiny nudging of the Holy Spirit reminding me of my needs versus my wants suddenly brings me to a feeling of peace. It's OKAY that I can't work right now. It's OKAY if I fall a bit behind on my edits. It's OKAY that I can't find fulfillment in my work today...
I can find fulfillment in Christ every day, all day, no matter what happens.
Today is a blessing. Today, I will reinstill the habits I let go when I let my work take over my life. Today I will read my Bible. Today I will go for a swim. Today I can attack those projects around the apartment I promised Matt that I would "do in the WINTER when I had time." I am thankful to have time today that I didn't originally think I would have. Today is a blessing. Every day is a blessing.